Identity Crisis
One of my health goals this year is to hit my 40th birthday the healthiest I’ve been since I was a high school athlete.
I tend to exercise and eat right in cycles, but I’ve yet to find that stride that helps me keep going when I trip up.
Believe it or not, my biggest enemy is not a binge fest of highly McFatty foods and sweets. I know how to pick myself up and recover from that.
It’s also not about missing a workout.
It’s the psychology behind missing two planned workouts in a week.
I struggle with OCD tendencies when it comes to ordering. For instance, if I want to watch a series of movies, take for example Lord of the Rings, I have to watch them in close succession to one another. I haven’t seen the third movie of the trilogy since it came out in the theater even though I’ve wanted to watch it multiple times since. However, in order for me to watch it, I have to start with the first movie and work my way to the third. The problem is, my schedule is so hectic, I only make it about halfway through the second movie before too much time passes, and I require myself to start over. For that reason, I’ve seen the first movie about 6 times on my way to watch the third…which has never happened.
I have to clean and organize my home in a certain order, starting in the master bedroom. For that reason, there are rooms in my home that never get organized.
I work out following a strict plan from Beach Body. What I’m supposed to do every day is preplanned for 30-day cycles. If I miss one workout, it’s not the end of the world. When I miss that second one, that’s where the crisis starts. My brain tells me that I’ve messed up the schedule too much and I need to start over if I want to feel like I “correctly” followed the plan. It becomes even more complicated when my brain won’t let me get past my belief that the plan always starts on a Monday. So if I miss workouts during the week, I have to wait until the following Monday to start over. You can see how this is problematic in my feelings of being a failure, perpetuating more missed workouts until Monday rolls around and I’ve lost steam and essentially give up.
My beautiful friend, Lisa, is one of my workout accountability partners. Two weeks ago when I was feeling in a slump after missing a workout, I texted her the following day:
“I need you to tell me to work out.”
She then gave me some encouragement to hit play that day, but one thing she shared with me struck a chord and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
“I read in my habits book that even if the workout is “meh”- that having the consistency of an okay work out is better than no work out. The idea is not every day will be great – but if your identity holds that you are an exerciser – you do your best (even if it’s not great) that day and exercise.
IF YOUR IDENTY HOLDS.
YOUR IDENTITY.
MY IDENTITY.
My fatal flaw: I had not adopted my new identity.
I AM A PERSON WHO EXERCISES.
It’s not about finishing the 30 days with perfect attendance (although that’s the dream), it’s about showing up every day that I can because it’s WHO I AM.
Seems like such a no brainer, but it has been a game changer for me. Just last week, I missed two days in a row because of life, and on that third day, when those feelings of needing to start over on a Monday started to creep in, I simply told myself, “I am a person who exercises. It’s who I am” and I got it done.
How many of us, as believers, have not effectively adopted our new identity? In much the same way of how the adoption of my identity as an exerciser moved me to the appropriate action, my identity in Christ should pave the way for appropriate actions.
I am a royal daughter of the Most High King.
I am wholly loved.
I am completely forgiven.
I am entirely worthy.
I am no longer shackled by the bondage of sin.
This is not an exhausted list, but wow! And look how that trickles down into action statements for us. Reminders when we are in the heat of something to call on our identity.
I am a person who is forgiving.
I am a person who is kind.
I am a person who is patient.
I am a person who is generous.
I don’t know about you, but the next time I’m struggling with something, anything, I’m going to revisit my identity and claim the personal victory…
because it’s who I am.