The Writer and the Wrench

I was tuning each breath to the tick of a clockWhen the words tumbled out of your mouthEach letter dripping with syrupSticky and sweet.In my ears they flewWhipping around the twisted curves of my brainUntil recognition forced them to whiplash.The pulp that was created began dripping downThe column of my spine.Slowly it infected my heartAnd brewed with what I already knew.The awakening forced air into my lungsAnd what I heard yesterdayDesired liberation.“Don’t tell anyone,” she had whispered.So I choked the twisted letters back downForcing submission with each swallowThe crooks and edges scraping the back of my throatAll of the way down to the tomb of my stomachWhere they will dissolveAnd…

if we resisted all of the friction… we would be found orbiting the planet-weightless-friendless-loveless-childless-hopeless

in an attempt to be self-awarestraightforwardsincerehe frequented thrift storeslistened to folk musicsipped on fair trade coffeeand attended grass-roots campaigns.he created countless adventuresstating that danger was subjective.none of those things could be accomplishedthough, without the snap of a pictureand an upload eliciting favor and praise,the proof of what it is like to be alive. trespassing,his last picture was standing in the middleof a train trestle, suspended over a canyonthe caption comprised of Gundersen lyrics,“here I stand in the landof the rocks in the valley,trying to be a better man.” but being authentic does not equal invincibility.the conductor still has nightmares.

In youthIt was about rocking and rollingFollowed byTiny humans invading your sheets.And empty nest sometimes leadsTo a periodic, cold-sided bed.But those who last beyondThe orgasmic sweat,The pb&j smearsAnd pang of solitude,Find that the real bed of loveIs holding a bluish, wrinkled handSadly waiting for the line to flatten.

Sometimes I need a dose of my own medicine, specifically, the “I’ve already told you this 1,000 times” white, chalky spoonful that’s hard to choke down. I have finally figured out a truth about parenting and it’s this: You have to continuously recalibrate yourself. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was an idealist. I had dreams of how we would bond, what traditions I’d pass down from my family, what new traditions we would implement. I subscribed to Parents magazine and clipped out ideas of fun, memory filled activities and I kept them in a binder…and then she was born and I never opened that binder. In fact, when I…

As a subscriber to Parents magazine, I recently stumbled upon one of its online articles titled the following: “Can We Please AgreeTeachers Do Not Need ‘Back to School’ Gifts?” As a former teacher of eleven years, I will agree with the following: teachers don’t need them. Teachers don’t expectthem. Some teachers (although I don’t know any personally) might not want them. But that’s about all I agree with. The author of the article, O’Connor argues that she supports teachers, knowing the hard work they perform, citing that her father was a teacher. I’m sorry, but you WILL NEVER understand how sacrificially, hard-working a teacher is until you’ve actually been one. I can watch an Olympian…

It’s a beautiful Thursday morning. The sun is semi-shining, the AC is blasting, and I’m up peacefully sipping my coffee. There’s only one thing lacking: Vacation Financial Hangover. About 7 years ago, Brent and I went through a Crown class that began our road to true financial literacy and freedom. But, it wasn’t until our 13 week experience with Dave Ramsey’s FPU a year later, that we dramatically changed our day-to-day relationship with money. There are so many things I could expand upon, and eventually will, but my focus this morning as I reflect is on our recent vacation. The idea is simple: pay before you play. Brent and I…

Her mother,Punctilious and overbearing,Picked her apartLike a carburetor.She cut off her fuel supplyLoosened her screwsRemoved her float and jets,All the things that helped keepHer head above water,And gave them a scrupulous cleaning. But she left the pieces out to dryAnd demanded her daughterPut herself back togetherSo that the family car could runWithout complaintAnd free from criticismFrom the outside world.If not, her clock would getCleaned again. Sometimes, water is thicker than blood.

If you haven’t watched the Netflix documentary, Minimalism, you should. It’s only a little over an hour, but the wealth of information and inspiration packed into it is worth more than that small cost of time. We are a culture who loves stuff. I’ve always struggled with clutter in my space. When I was younger, it was because every item I owned was a treasure to me. My mom would savagely go through my room when I went off to summer camp and I’d come home to Mapleton Drive. At first I was upset she took some (half) of my belongings without asking, but her argument was that I wouldn’t even notice…

Every time I listen to “Center Aisle” by Caedmon’s Call, I weep. It’s been fifteen years since I received one of the worst phone calls of my life. I was only nineteen at the time, living in an apartment in Lynchburg with my youngest brother. When the phone rang that day, I picked it up, my dad on the other end. And you just know when things are not okay. There wasn’t time for pleasantries. I still remember the words very clearly: “Beverly, someone in your class has died.” I knew he meant my high school class. The class of 2000. My class. The class of only 14 other students. My family. My mind raced…

This morning I woke up with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. It’s a stark contrast to the mornings I wake up feeling like a 500 pound weight is resting on my chest. Those are the days I feel I can only be thankful for the 150 milligrams of happy to help me cope. It’s hard to keep your heart in a constant mode of gratitude, but it’s one of those attitudes that produces contentment and joy, something the world could use more of. Instead, we are under a constant state of blitzkrieg with messages of items we simply must have. We need to upgrade the old. We need the biggest…

If you are reading this entry, it means that you are one of my faithful subscribers. If you make it to the end, it will be because you’re sitting in a waiting room with nothing else to do, you actually care about me, or you find it a challenge because I’m betting you won’t read the whole thing. Why? Because it’s going to be long. It’s also going to sound like my thoughts vomited onto the keyboard, and I most certainly am not going to end up where you think I’m going. Instead of A to B to C, I go A to -37 to purple fire hydrant. So, where to…